Look Out Beauty...I'm Coming For You

Today was my first day back to work after five days of allowing my brain some rest. My brain thanks me. I enjoyed my few days of pretending to be a stay-at-home wife. I baked, cleaned, did something creative, got my tan on, and got my run on. The cast of Jersey Shores would give me a fist pump for the last two activities. It was good for my soul.

I am having a hard time focusing. I suppose it could be attributed to the fact that I am scheduled to finish grad school in five weeks. Ants in my pants for sure. But I feel it is something else. You know when you get the feeling that something is pulling at your heart/soul (whatever your preference) and telling you to re-evaluate your life and then do something about it? I have felt so much pulling the past few weeks that I am still in the process of re-evaluating. It is a process, ya know...

So, what have I learned in the process thus far you ask? I need to integrate more beauty into my life. I am not surprised by this at all. I have been OBSESSED with beautiful things lately. I am practically craving the beauty in nature, beautiful pictures, beautiful dresses, etc. (you get the point). I guess I never stopped to ask myself why the sudden desire for beauty in life.

I will take a stab at the answer. I have gone without recognizing the beauty in my life for so long that I now crave it. I would compare it to the way some pregnant women supposedly eat nail polish. My job, although rewarding in the form of moments, becomes so disheartening at times that any beauty to be had becomes lost in the survival mode that accompanies such a position. The sadness that resonates is undeniably real. Throw on the pile a masters program, a new agency, a fairly new marriage, and a new home. Its fight or flight baby and I have been fighting my butt off for the duration of it.

I have survived and grown into (what I believe to be) a far more capable person because of the fight. But... I am ready to be still for a little while. Like, for starters, maybe long enough to develop an infallible way to get some blessed beauty back into my life.