Demolition Days

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Today was the final day of inspiration week.  I hope someone gained something from it.  I always do, simply because through writing I learn more about myself.  To be entirely honest, a few of the days I was feeling very uninspired but I did the best I could. 

So for the last day I am going to talk about how becoming a mother has been one of the forces behind a series of intentional changes.  I was never particularly worried about losing who I was when I become a mother. You know how there are some people who change so much once they have a child that carrying on a conversation with them about anything else is impossible? I knew I would not be one of those people. But I have found that I cannot completely be the person I was before either. 

Here is why: I no longer come first.  My husband no longer comes first.  My job no longer comes first.  That was my pre-Ellie life in a nutshell.  And it is no more.  So for that reason I am having to adjust the person I am.  Putting Ellie before all else was easy.  Figuring out how to manage everything in my life that is less important than her...is not. 

I am able to hold on to parts of the person I was before. I still love blueberry wheat beer, summer, Christmas, reading, and quiet time.  But I pay closer attention to the "why" of the things I gravitate toward, put more thought into my choices, and pick pieces that are more aligned with who I want to be.  Because it is no longer about me.  It is about who I want to be for Ellie as her mother, and equally important, as a person. 

In case I am losing you here I will give you some examples.  I ask myself a variation of "the miracle question" (as we refer to it in therapy) a lot.  When I visualize what I want my life to be in a year, what does that look like? What is different between now and then?  Well, I am putting more consideration into what I want to see.  I rip pictures out of magazines, journal, and bookmark different sites/photos online that have become a compilation of the images I am drawn to.  I've found that most of them relate to my core values and to specific parts of me that really need to be improved upon. 

Another method I use is that which we teach adolescents in therapy.  We find out what is important to them at their core and where they want to go in life, assess the choices they are currently making, determine if those choices align with where they want to be, and help them to make choices that take them there. For me, I needed to weed through the life I had made in order to create the life I desire in my heart of hearts.

I want a much simpler and quieter life for us.  I want to be unable to hear cars passing by, I want less plans and obligations and more freedom to just be.  I want to begin putting better parameters around the health of my soul and my time, whether the people we care about it like it or not. I know what I need.   I want JG and I to be a prime example of a happy marriage for us and for Ellie.  Becoming parents has taken its toll on us in different ways so we are working on us and it is hard work. As a woman, I want to model for Ellie that it is possible to have a career, a family, and a beautiful life while still taking care of yourself.   I have WAY a lot of work to do in the self-care arena.  I want her to care for her belongings and give away what is not needed...Cabin Gio needs a make over in this department for sure.  I have attached some pictures that have inspired me for one reason or another. 

So there you have it, my internal thought process behind my ultimate renovation.  Right now I am still in the demolition phase:)